We all have an inner voice — the steady stream of thoughts that narrates our day, revisits conversations, and worries about what might come next. Sometimes, that voice can be helpful, offering reflection and insight. But when it loops endlessly on the same fear or regret, it becomes rumination — and that’s when our mental health takes a hit.
Recent psychological research shows that one simple shift can help you break free from rumination: talking to yourself in the third person.
Why Rumination Hurts
Rumination is what happens when your mind gets stuck replaying negative thoughts or events. It can sound like:
“Why did I say that?”
“What if they think I’m not good enough?”
“I should have done more.”
This inner spiral keeps stress hormones high and makes it harder to regulate emotion, sleep well, and focus. Left unchecked, rumination can contribute to anxiety, depression, and burnout — all common themes we see in therapy.
What makes rumination so painful is that it traps us inside our own emotional experience. When we rehash situations from a first-person point of view — “I messed up,” “I can’t fix this” — the brain treats the event like it’s happening again in real time. This re-activation keeps the emotional centre (especially the amygdala) switched on and limits access to the parts of the brain that handle reasoning and perspective. In other words, we stay stuck in the feeling instead of being able to see it.
The Science Behind Third-Person Self-Talk
That’s where language becomes powerful. Studies show that when people talk to themselves in the third person — using their own name or “you” instead of “I” — it creates psychological distance. This small shift helps quiet the brain’s threat response and activates regions linked to self-control and reflection.
For example, instead of saying:
“I can’t handle this,”
try:
“Kristen, you’ve handled harder things before — you can take this one step at a time.”
This subtle change helps your mind step outside the swirl of emotion and look at the situation more calmly — like offering advice to a close friend rather than being overwhelmed by the storm yourself.
Over time, this practice of “distanced self-talk” can improve emotional regulation, decision-making, and self-compassion — three key areas of mental health that counselling often supports.
How to Try It
Catch the loop. Notice when your thoughts start circling around the same worry or regret.
Step back. Take a breath, and picture yourself from the outside — like you’re talking to a dear friend.
Reframe with distance. Use your name or “you” when speaking to yourself:
“You’re doing your best.”
“You can take a break and come back to this.”
Anchor in kindness. Keep the tone gentle and realistic — this isn’t about fake positivity, but about perspective and care.
Pair it with grounding. Try a few slow breaths, a walk, or light movement to remind your body that you’re safe in the present moment.
When Overthinking Becomes Overwhelming
If your inner voice feels harsh or relentless, you’re not alone. Many of us never learned how to work with our thoughts instead of against them. Counselling can help you develop practical tools for emotional regulation, self-compassion, and mindfulness — skills that make rumination less powerful over time.
At Juniper Counselling, we focus on helping you create safe spaces so you can be brave — spaces where curiosity replaces criticism and your inner dialogue becomes a source of strength rather than stress.
💚 Juniper Counselling Port Moody
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