At Juniper Counselling, we often meet clients who feel stuck swinging between two extremes: feeling “less than” (shame) and feeling “more than” (grandiosity). While they may seem like opposites, both are fuelled by the same energy—an inner spotlight that keeps us focused on how we measure up in the eyes of others.
This constant self-evaluation can drain our energy, strain our relationships, and keep us from living bravely and authentically. The goal isn’t to get rid of shame or confidence altogether, but to put down the flashlight that keeps highlighting these extremes. Instead, we can learn to turn toward balance, self-compassion, and grounded connection with others.
Understanding Shame
Shame whispers: “You’re not enough. You’re flawed. If people knew the real you, they’d turn away.”
It’s an intense emotion that makes us want to hide, disconnect, or work tirelessly to “fix” ourselves. While shame can sometimes nudge us to reflect on our actions, it often grows into something much larger—keeping us small, silent, and cut off from others.
At Juniper, we see shame not as proof of weakness, but as an invitation to practice bravery. Meeting shame with curiosity rather than judgment helps us soften its grip.
Understanding Grandiosity
On the other side, grandiosity insists: “You’re better than them. You don’t need anyone. You’re above it all.”
It looks powerful from the outside, but often it’s the same energy as shame—just flipped. Instead of feeling less than, we build walls of superiority or perfectionism to protect ourselves from the vulnerability of being “enough, just as we are.”
Grandiosity can feel safer than shame, but it isolates us just the same. It keeps us away from the real, messy, human connections we need.
Putting Down the Flashlight
When we’re caught in cycles of shame and grandiosity, it’s like holding a flashlight that shines only on our flaws or on an inflated sense of self. What if we set that flashlight down?
With kindness, we can notice when shame or grandiosity shows up and name it gently.
With curiosity, we can ask: “What is this energy protecting me from? Where is the tender spot underneath?”
With bravery, we can step back into relationships, showing up as our real selves instead of hiding or performing.
The work isn’t to erase shame or to crush grandiosity—it’s to redirect the energy toward grounded presence, authentic connection, and self-acceptance.
How Counselling Can Help
Therapy offers a safe space to notice these patterns, explore what fuels them, and build new ways of relating to yourself and others. Together, we can learn to quiet the inner critic, soften the walls of grandiosity, and step into a more balanced, compassionate way of living.
At Juniper Counselling, our approach is rooted in kindness and curiosity, with the belief that you already hold the courage to face these patterns. Sometimes you just need the right environment to let that bravery grow.
💚 Juniper Counselling Port Moody
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